Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (top 10 books to read .txt) 📕
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Elizabeth.
Oh, Lydia was so determined upon it that she and mamma gave my father no peace till they had teased him to consent. But I am very sorry. Lydia is too foolish, too ignorant and wilful to be trusted away from home. I only hope that no harm will come of it.
Charlotte.
And is Mr. Wickham still with the regiment?
Elizabeth.
Yes, he went with it to Brighton.
Charlotte.
I hear that he is thinking of marrying Miss King, since she has just received a legacy of ten thousand pounds. I should be sorry to think that our friend was mercenary.
Elizabeth.
A man in distressed circumstances has not time for all those elegant decorums which other people may observe. If Miss King does not object to it, why should we?
Charlotte.
Her not objecting does not justify—him.
Elizabeth.
[Emphatically.] Well, have it as you choose. He shall be mercenary, and she shall be foolish! Mr. Wickham's worst fault, after all, is his power of being agreeable. Thank heaven, we both of us know some men who haven't one agreeable quality. Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing!
Charlotte.
[Smiling.] Well, well, Eliza! That speech savours a little of—disappointment.
Elizabeth.
Oh, yes—anything you please!
Charlotte.
[Changing the subject.] And you say that Jane is not in her usual spirits?
Elizabeth.
[Shortly.] Yes.
Charlotte.
And she is looking poorly?
Elizabeth.
[Still more shortly.] Yes—very!
Charlotte.
Did she see much of the Bingleys in London?
Elizabeth.
[Bursting out hotly.] She saw nothing of them. Oh, Charlotte, I have just had all my suspicions verified.
Charlotte.
Your suspicions?
Elizabeth.
Yes, there has been an arrangement in all this. Mr. Bingley has been kept away from Jane by—— [Stops suddenly.]
Charlotte.
[Looks up curiously, then speaks quickly.] Don't imagine any such nonsense, Eliza. A young man like Mr. Bingley so easily falls in love with a pretty girl for a few weeks—and, when accident separates them, so easily forgets her, that this sort of inconstancy is very frequent.
Elizabeth.
We do not suffer from accident, Charlotte. A young man of independent fortune does not suddenly decide of his own free will to think no more of a girl with whom he was violently in love.
Charlotte.
But were they so violently in love?
Elizabeth.
Yes—I never saw a more promising inclination. Why, Mr. Bingley would talk to no one else—would look at no one else. Is not general incivility the very essence of love?
Charlotte.
[Smiling.] It is usually a good test. But if Jane did not return his affection—— It really did not seem to me that there was anything violent in Jane's attitude. I could never see that she showed any extreme affection for Bingley.
Elizabeth.
[Hotly.] Well, I know that Jane was very much in love with him, and that she showed her affection as much as her nature would allow. If Bingley didn't see it he must have been a simpleton. No—the real trouble was that Jane didn't see him often enough, perhaps, to make her understand his character.
Charlotte.
Oh, if Jane were married to Bingley to-morrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were studying him for a twelve-month. It is far better to know as little as possible of the person with whom you are to pass your life.
Elizabeth.
[Demurely.] In some cases that is undoubtedly true.
Mr. Collins.
[Appears at the garden door. He wears a wide-brimmed hat and carries a hoe—also a large basket. He looks in.] Ah! A very charming domestic picture! [Taking a bunch of radishes from the basket, he speaks to Charlotte.] My dear, I have found some fine early radishes. I thought it would be a graceful attention on your part to send some of these to Miss de Bourg. [He sits upon the chair near the doorway.]
Charlotte.
I fear the apothecary might object.
Mr. Collins.
True—they might not be suitable, but [Looking at them proudly.] they are very fine radishes. [To Elizabeth.] Miss Elizabeth, I am very successful in my gardening. I consider the work I do in my garden to be one of my most respectable pleasures. Lady Catherine is always ready to encourage me in it, and my dear Charlotte is ever willing that I should leave her side for the sake of this healthful exercise. [Looking at the radishes again.] It is, indeed, a pity that Miss de Bourg is not well enough to enjoy them. My dear Charlotte has doubtless told you, Miss Elizabeth, of the alliance which is in prospect between Miss de Bourg and Mr. Darcy. This extreme delicacy of constitution would seem to be the only bar to their happiness.
Elizabeth.
Yes, Charlotte has told me that Miss de Bourg is sickly. She will make Mr. Darcy a very proper wife.
[Charlotte looks anxiously at Mr. Collins as Elizabeth says this, but he is gazing out of the door and does not seem to notice the remark.]
Mr. Collins.
I hope you are pleased with Kent, Miss Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Very much, Mr. Collins.
Mr. Collins.
I do not think the kingdom can boast a grander scene than the one now spread before our eyes: [Pointing.] This garden—that park with Rosings in the distance. Do not you think my dear Charlotte is most fortunately placed, Miss Elizabeth?
Elizabeth.
Most fortunately, Mr. Collins.
Mr. Collins.
And when you have seen Lady Catherine, you will be more deeply impressed, I am sure. We can hardly expect her to call upon you. This illness of Miss de Bourg would prevent it, and in any case it would be an act of extreme condescension on her part; but I am quite confident that you will receive an invitation to drink tea of a Sunday evening with her, after Mr. Darcy and his cousin are gone, of course. And—we may later have an invitation to dinner—although I would not for the world arouse in you false hopes which may be shattered.
Martha.
[Enters in great excitement.] Oh, Mrs. Collins! Lady Catherine's carriage is turning into the lane and she is in it!
Mr. Collins.
[Rising in great excitement.] Lady Catherine—at this hour! What amazing condescension! [He turns in a helpless manner to Charlotte.] But, my dear, I am quite unprepared. My habiliments—I would not be wanting in respect.—What shall I do?
Charlotte.
[Hurriedly putting up her work and giving her hat and gloves to the maid.] Go make yourself ready, Mr. Collins. We will do the same. [Charlotte pushes Mr. Collins gently toward the door.]
Mr. Collins.
[Protesting.] Yes—yes! But this implement——
[He holds out the hoe.]
Charlotte.
Give it to Martha!
[Mr. Collins hastily gives the hoe to the maid and then goes out. He instantly returns, however, and again appeals in distressed tones to his wife.]
Mr. Collins.
[Holding out the basket.] And these radishes, my dear?
Charlotte.
Martha, take the radishes from Mr. Collins.
Martha.
Yes, ma'am.
[The maid tries to hold at once—basket, hoe, hat, and gloves, as she stands in a corner, open-mouthed.]
Mr. Collins.
[Again emerging from the door.] Do not make yourself uneasy about your own apparel, Miss Elizabeth; Lady Catherine is far from requiring that elegance in us which becomes herself and daughter—I——
Charlotte.
[Impatiently.] Oh, do go, Mr. Collins! Lady Catherine will be here in an instant!
[She shuts the door on Mr. Collins.]
Elizabeth.
[Greatly amused at all this excitement.] Are you going to make any change in your dress, Charlotte? Do you wish me to do so?
Charlotte.
Well, Eliza, if you wouldn't mind, I should like you to put on your sprigged muslin. In spite of what Mr. Collins says, I know it would please him. I have no time to change. Is my cap straight? Oh, here she is. [To the maid, who stands staring, with her arms full.] Why, Martha! Are you still there? Go! Go! [She bustles the maid out of one door, then runs to the other, calling her husband.] Mr. Collins! Mr. Collins!
[She then rushes into the garden, followed immediately by Mr. Collins in the same state of excitement. Elizabeth, as she looks after them, is convulsed with laughter.]
Elizabeth.
So, at last—her high and only mightiness! No tremors, Elizabeth! Now is the time for all your courage. [She runs laughing out of the room.]
[Sounds of voices are heard, and Lady Catherine appears escorted up the path by Charlotte and Collins.]
Lady Catherine.
[As she reaches the door.] You keep too many hens, Mrs. Collins. There is just a certain number which are profitable—beyond that there is waste. [Lady Catherine sits on the sofa.] A clergyman's wife should set an example of thrift. You should have asked my advice.
Mr. Collins.
Mrs. Collins will in the future regulate her poultry-yard according to your directions, Lady Catherine, if you will be so condescending as to give them.
Charlotte.
Yes, thank you, Lady Catherine.
Mr. Collins.
Will your Ladyship not take some refreshment?
Charlotte.
Oh, yes—let me fetch you a cup of tea?
Lady Catherine.
No, no—I wish nothing. [To Mr. Collins.] But you may go, Mr. Collins, and see if Jones is walking the horses up and down. I do not trust Jones.
Mr. Collins.
With great pleasure, your Ladyship. [Mr. Collins goes out.]
Lady Catherine.
[To Charlotte.] I thought you had a visitor, Mrs. Collins.
Charlotte.
Yes, your Ladyship—I have. It is my friend, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She is a cousin of Mr. Collins and a neighbour of ours in Hertfordshire.
Lady Catherine.
I have heard about her. Fitzwilliam says she is a very genteel, pretty kind of girl.
Charlotte.
[Pleased.] Indeed she is, Lady Catherine.
Lady Catherine.
Well, where is she?
Charlotte.
She has gone to make a little change in her dress, before presenting herself to your Ladyship.
Lady Catherine.
Oh! very proper—very proper!
Charlotte.
I am delighted to hear that Miss de Bourg is better, Lady Catherine.
Lady Catherine.
Yes, thank you. She is very greatly improved. [After a slight pause, with impatience.] Well, Miss Bennet takes her time!
Charlotte.
[Anxiously.] I am sure she will be here in a moment. [Elizabeth enters.] Oh, here she is. [Presenting Elizabeth.] Lady Catherine, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. [Elizabeth curtsies.]
Lady Catherine.
[Without leaving her seat, looks Elizabeth over from head to foot.] Oh, how do you do, Miss Bennet. You are younger than I thought!
Elizabeth.
[Smiling.] Indeed?
Lady Catherine.
You know my nephew, Mr. Darcy?
Elizabeth.
Yes, I met him in Hertfordshire.
Lady Catherine.
Humph! And you know Colonel Fitzwilliam?
Elizabeth.
I have only met Colonel Fitzwilliam since coming here.
Lady Catherine.
Humph! Has your governess left you?
Elizabeth.
[Half laughs.] My sisters and I have never had a governess, Madam.
Lady Catherine.
No governess! I never heard of such a thing! Your mother must have been quite a slave to your education.
Elizabeth.
[Smiling.] I assure you she was not, Lady Catherine.
Lady Catherine.
Then who taught you? Without a governess you must have been neglected.
Elizabeth.
Such of us as wished to learn, never wanted the means, Madam.
Lady Catherine.
Well, if I had known your mother, I should have advised her most strenuously to engage a governess. I should have seen to it myself. [To Charlotte.] Go on with your work, Mrs. Collins. A clergyman's wife should set an example of industry. [Looking at Charlotte's embroidery with disapproval.] I will send you some more of the parish petticoats to hem, Mrs. Collins. [To Elizabeth.] Go on with your work, Miss Bennet. Young ladies should never be idle. [Both Elizabeth and Charlotte go on with their embroidery. Looking hard at Elizabeth.] Pray what is your age, Miss Bennet?
Elizabeth.
I am not one and twenty.
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