A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY by Edward Payson Roe (red seas under red skies .TXT) 📕

Am Losing Zest And Courage Unaccountably. My Old, Happy And

Hopeful Feelings Are About All Gone, And In their Place All Sorts Of

Evil Thoughts Seem To Be Swarming Into My Mind. I Have Tried to Keep All

This To Myself, But I Have Become So Wretched that I Must Speak. Mrs.

Arnot Is Away, Or She Might Help Me, As She Ever Does. I Wish That I

Felt Differently; I Pray That I May, But In spite Of All I Seem Drifting

Back To My Old Miserable Self. Every Day I Fear That I Shall Have

Trouble At The Mill. When I Felt So Strong And Happy I Did Not Mind What

They Said. One Day I Was Asked by A Workman, Who Is Quite A Decent

Fellow, How I Stood It All? And I Replied that I Stood It As Any

Well-Meaning Christian Man Could. My Implied assertion That I Was A

Christian Was Taken Up As A Great Joke, And Now They Call Me The 'Pi'Us

Jail-Bird.' As Long As I Felt At Heart That I Was A Christian, I Did Not

Care; But Now Their Words Gall Me To The Quick. I Do Not Know What To

Think. It Seems To Me That If Any One Ever Met With A Change I Did. I'M

Sure I Wish To Feel Now As I Did Then; But I Grow Worse Every Day. I Am

Losing Self-Control And Growing Irritable. This Evening, As I Passed

Liquor Saloons On My Way Home, My Old Appetite For Drink Seemed as

Strong As Ever. What Does It All Mean?"

 

 

 

Mr. Growther'S Wrinkled visage Worked curiously, And At Last He Said In

A Tone And Manner That Betokened the Deepest Distress:

 

 

 

"I'M Awfully Afeerd You'Re A-Backslidin'."

 

 

 

"I Wish I Had Never Been Born," Exclaimed the Youth, Passionately, "For

I Am A Curse To Myself And All Connected with Me, I Know I Shall Have

Trouble With One Man At The Mill. I Can See It Coming, And Then, Of

Course, I Shall Be Discharged. I Seem Destined to Defeat In this My Last

Attempt To Be A Man, And I Shall Never Have The Courage Or Hope To Try

Again. If I Do Break Down Utterly, I Feel As If I Will Become A Very

Devil Incarnate. O! How I Wish That Mrs. Arnot Was Home."

 

 

 

"Now This Beats Me All Out," Said Mr. Growther, In great Perplexity. "A

While Ago You Felt Like A Saint And Acted like One, Now You Talk And Act

As If Old Nick And All His Imps Had Got A Hold On Ye. How Do You Explain

All This, For It Beats Me?"

 

 

 

"I Don'T And Can'T Explain. But Here Are The Facts, And What Are You

Going To Do With Them?"

 

 

 

"I Ain'T A-Goin' To Do Nothin' With 'Em Except Cuss 'Em; And That'S All

I Kin Do In any Case. You'Ve Got Beyond My Depth."

 

 

 

The Sorely Tempted youth Could Obtain But Little Aid And Comfort,

Therefore, From His Quaint Old Friend, And, Equally Perplexed and Unable

To Understand Himself, He Sought To Obtain Such Rest As His Disquieted

Condition Permitted.

 

 

 

As A Result Of Wakefulness In the Early Part Of The Night, He Slept Late

The Following Morning, And Hastened to His Work With Scarcely A Mouthful

Of Breakfast. He Was Thus Disqualified, Physically As Well As Mentally,

For The Ordeal Of The Day.

 

 

 

He Was A Few Minutes Behind Time, And A Sharp Reprimand From The Foreman

Rasped his Already Jangling Nerves. But He Doggedly Set His Teeth And

Resolved to See And Hear Nothing Save That Which Pertained to His Work.

 

 

 

He Might Have Kept His Resolve Had There Been Nothing More To Contend

With Than The Ordinary Verbal Persecution. But Late In the Afternoon,

When He Had Grown Weary From The Strain Of The Day, His Special

Tormentor, A Burly Irishman, Took Occasion, In passing, To Push Him

Rudely Against A Pert And Slattern Girl, Who Also Was Foremost In the

Tacit League Of Petty Annoyance. She Acted as If The Contact Of

Haldane'S Person Was A Purposed insult, And Resented it By A Sharp Slap

Of His Face.

 

 

 

Her Stinging Stroke Was Like A Spark To A Magazine; But Paying No Heed

To Her, He Sprang Toward Her Laughing ally With Fierce Oaths Upon His

Lips, And By A Single Blow Sent Him Reeling To The Floor. The Machinery

Was Stopped sharply, As Far As Possible, By The Miscellaneous

Workpeople, To Whom A Fight Was A Boon Above Price, And With Shrill And

Clamorous Outcries They Gathered round The Young Man Where He Stood,

Panting, Like A Wounded animal At Bay.

 

 

 

His Powerful Antagonist Was Speedily Upon His Feet, And At Once Made A

Rush For The Youth Who Had So Unexpectedly Turned upon Him; And Though

He Received another Heavy Blow, His Onset Was So Strong That He Was Able

To Close With Haldane, And Thus Made The Conflict A Mere Trial Of Brute

Force.

 

 

 

As Haldane Afterward Recalled the Scene, He Was Conscious That At The

Time He Felt Only Rage, And A Mad Desire To Destroy His Opponent.

 

 

 

In Strength They Were Quite Evenly Matched, And After A Moment'S

Struggle Both Fell Heavily, And Haldane Was Able To Disengage Himself.

As The Irishman Rose, And Was About To Renew The Fight, He Struck Him So

Tremendous A Blow On The Temple That The Man Went To The Floor As If

Pierced by A Bullet, And Lay There Stunned and Still.

 

 

 

When Haldane Saw That His Antagonist Did Not Move, Time Was Given Him To

Think; He Experienced a Terrible Revulsion. He Remembered his Profanity

And Brutal Rage, He Felt That He Had Broken Down Utterly. He Was

Overwhelmed by His Moral Defeat, And Covering His Face With His Hands,

He Groaned "Lost, Lost!"

 

 

 

"By Jocks," Exclaimed a Rude, Half-Grown Fellow, "That Clip Would Have

Felled an Ox."

 

 

 

"Do You Think He'S Dead?" Asked the Slattern Girl, Now Thoroughly

Alarmed at The Consequences Of The Blow She Had Given.

 

 

 

"Dead!" Cried haldane, Catching The Word, And, Pushing all Aside, He

Knelt Over His Prostrate Foe.

 

 

 

"Water, Bring Water, For God'S Sake!" He Said Eagerly, Lifting Up The

Unconscious Man.

 

 

 

It Was Brought And Dashed in his Face. A Moment Later, To Haldane'S

Infinite Relief He Revived, And After A Bewildered stare At The Crowd

Around Him, Fixed his Eyes On The Youth Who Had Dealt The Blow, And Then

A Consciousness Of All That Had Occurred seemed to Return. He Showed his

Teeth In impotent Rage For A Moment, As Some Wild Animal Might Have

Done, And Then Rose Unsteadily To His Feet.

 

 

 

"Go Back To Your Work, All On Ye," Thundered the Foreman, Who, Now That

The Sport Was Over, Was Bent On Making a Great Show Of His Zeal; "As For

You Two Bull-Dogs, You Shall Pay Dearly For This; And Let Me Say To You,

Mister Haldane, That The Pious Dodge Won'T Answer Any Longer."

 

 

 

A Moment Later, With The Exception Of Flushed faces And Excited

Whisperings, The Large And Crowded apartment Wore Its Ordinary Aspect,

And The Machinery Clanked on As Monotonously As Ever.

 

 

 

Almost As Mechanically Haldane Moved in the Routine Of His Labor, But

The Bitterness Of Despair Was In his Heart.

 

 

 

He Forgot That He Would Probably Be Discharged that Day; He Forgot That

A Dark And Uncertain Future Was Before Him. He Only Remembered his Rage

And Profanity, And They Seemed to Him Damning Proofs That All He Had

Felt, Hoped, And Believed was Delusion.

 

Chapter XLI (Mrs. Arnot'S Creed)

When Haldane Entered the Cottage That Evening His Eyes Were Bloodshot

And His Face So Haggard That Mr. Growther Started out Of His Chair,

Exclaiming: "Lord A' Massy! What'S The Matter?"

 

 

 

"Matter Enough," Replied the Youth, With A Reckless Oath. "The Worst

That I Feared has Happened."

 

 

 

"What'S Happened?" Asked the Old Man Excitedly.

 

 

 

"I'Ve Been Fighting In the Work-Room Like A Bull-Dog, And Swearing Like

A Pirate. That'S The Kind Of A Christian I Am, And Always Will Be. What

I Was Made For, I Don'T See," He Added, As He Threw Himself Into A

Chair.

 

 

 

"Well, Well, Well!" Said Mr. Growther Dejectedly, "I Was In hopes She'D

Git Here In time; But I'M Afeered you'Ve Just Clean Backslid."

 

 

 

"No Kind Of Doubt On That Score," Replied the Young Man, With A Bitter

Laugh; "Though I Now Think I Never Had Very Far To Slide. And Yet It All

Seems Wrong And Unjust. Why Should My Hopes Be Raised? Why Should Such

Feelings Be Inspired, If This Was To Be The End? If I Was Foreordained

To Go To The Devil, Why Must An Aggravating Glimpse Of Heaven Be Given

Me? I Say It'S All Cruel And Wrong. But What'S The Use! Come, Let'S Have

Supper, One Must Eat As Long As He'S In the Body."

 

 

 

It Was A Silent And Dismal Meal, And Soon Over. Then Haldane Took His

Hat Without A Word.

 

 

 

"Where Are You Goin'?" Asked mr. Growther, Anxiously.

 

 

 

"I Neither Know Nor Care."

 

 

 

"Don'T Go Out To-Night, I Expect Somebody."

 

 

 

"Who, In the Name Of Wonder?"

 

 

 

"Mrs. Arnot."

 

 

 

"I Could As Easily Face An Angel Of Light Now As Mrs. Arnot," He

Replied, Pausing On The Threshold; For Even In his Reckless Mood The Old

Man'S Wistful Face Had Power To Restrain.

 

 

 

"You Are Mistaken, Egbert," Said A Gentle Voice Behind Him. "You Can

Face Me Much More Easily Than An Angel Of Light. I Am Human Like

Yourself, And Your Friend."

 

 

 

She Had Approached the Open Door Through The Dusk Of The Mild Autumn

Evening, And Had Heard His Words. He Trembled at Her Voice, But Ventured

No Reply.

 

 

 

"I Have Come To See You, Egbert; You Will Not Leave Me."

 

 

 

"Mrs. Arnot," He Said Passionately, "I Am Not Worth The Trouble You Take

In My Behalf, And I Might As Well Tell You At Once That It Is In vain."

 

 

 

"I Do Not Regard What I Do For You As 'Trouble,' And I Know It Is Not In

Vain," She Replied, With Calm, Clear Emphasis.

 

 

 

Her Manner Quieted him Somewhat; But After A Moment He Said:

 

 

 

"You Do Not Know What Has Happened to-Day, Nor How I Have Been Feeling

For Many Days Past."

 

 

 

"Your Manner Indicates How You. Feel; And You May Tell Me What Has

Happened if You Wish. If You Prefer That We Should Be Alone, Come With

Me To My Carriage, And In the Quiet Of My Private Parlor You Can Tell Me

All."

 

 

 

"No," Said Haldane Gloomily; "I Am Not Fit To Enter Your House, And For

Other Reasons Would Rather Not Do So. I Have No Better Friend Than Mr.

Growther, And He Already Knows It All. I May As Well Tell You Here; That

Is, If You Are Willing To Stay."

 

 

 

"I Came To Stay," Said Mrs. Arnot Quietly; And Sitting Down, She Turned

A Grave And Expectant Face Toward Him.

 

 

 

"I Cannot Find Words In which To Tell You My Shame, And The Utterness Of

My Defeat."

 

 

 

"Yes, You Can, Egbert. I Believe That You Have Always Told Me The Truth

About Yourself."

 

 

 

"I Have, And I Will Again," He Said Desperately; "And Yet It Seems Like

Profanation To Describe Such A Scene To You." But He Did Describe It,

Briefly And Graphically, Nevertheless. As He Spoke Of His Last Fierce

Blow, Which Vanquished his Opponent, Mr. Growther Muttered:

 

 

 

"Sarved him Right; Can'T Help Feelin' Glad You Hit 'Im So Hard; But Then

That'S In keepin' With The Cussedness Of My Natur'."

 

 

 

A Glimmer Of A Smile Hovered around Mrs. Arnot'S Flexible Mouth, But She

Only Asked quietly:

 

 

 

"Is That All?"

 

 

 

"I Should Think That Was Enough, After All That I Had Felt And

Professed."

 

 

 

"I Fear I Shall Shock You, Egbert, But I Am Not Very Much Surprised at

Your Course. Indeed i Think It Was Quite Natural, In view Of The

Circumstances. Perhaps My Nature Is Akin To Mr. Growther'S, For I Am

Rather Glad That Fellow Was Punished; And I Think It Was Very Natural

For You To Punish Him As You Did. So Far From Despairing Of You, I Am

The More Hopeful Of You."

 

 

 

"Mrs. Arnot!" Exclaimed the Youth In undisguised astonishment

 

 

 

"Now Do Not Jump To Hasty