The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, vol 15 by Sir Richard Francis Burton (reading e books txt) 📕

shall the dead disturb us any more.” He rejoined, “Do what thou willest,” and all this whilst the boy stood listening to them behind the door. But as soon as the lover went forth the house, the lad arose and retired; then, donning Jews’ garb he shouldered a pair of saddle-bags and went about crying, “Ho!

Aloes good for use. Ho! Pepper[FN#473] good for use. Ho! Kohl good for use. Ho! Tutty good for use!” Now when the woman saw him she came forth the house and hailed him, “Ho thou the Jew!” and said he to her, “Yes, O my lady.” Then said she, “Hast thou with thee aught of poison?” and said he, “How, O my lady? Have I not with me poison of the hour?[FN#474] and whoever shall eat thereof in a mess of sweet milk[FN#475] and rice and clarified butter shall die within that time.” “Do thou take this dinar,” continued she, “and give me somewhat of it;” but he rejoined, “I do not trade for moneys, and I will sell it only for ornaments of precious metal.” Hereupon she pulled off one of her anklets and handed it to him and he, who had provided himself with half a loaf of Egyptian sugar,[FN#476] gave her the moiety thereof, saying, “Use it with sweet milk and rice and clarified butter.”

She took it in high glee, and arising milked the she-buffalo, after which she boiled the loaf-sugar in the milk and then threw it into a sufficiency of the rice and the clarified butter, fancying the while that she was cooking a mortal meal,[FN#477]

and lastly she ladled out the mess into a large platter. Now when it was sunset-time her husband returned from the field and was met about half-way by the boy who told him all that he had overheard and how he had sold her the sugar for one of her anklets, saying, “This be poison.” Then he charged him that, as soon as both of them should have swallowed the mess of milk and rice and clarified butter, they fall down and feign dead. So master and servant agreed upon this plan. And when the Fellah entered the hut she served to them the platter which contained their supper, and they ate the whole thereof, she sitting by intent upon their action and expecting their death. But they served her with a sleight; for suddenly the Fellah changed countenance and made as though he waxed ill and faint, and fell upon the ground like one in the last agony, and shortly after the boy rolled upon the floor on similar wise. Whenas she considered them she exclaimed, “May Allah have no mercy upon you; the wretches are dead!” Hereupon she went out and called aloud to her lover, and as he was coming cried, “Hie thee hither and enjoy the sight of these dead ones;” so he hastened up to them, and seeing them stretched upon the door said, “They’re dead.” Presently quoth she, “We two, I and thou, will now make merry;” and so saying she withdrew with him into another hut, intending at once to sleep together. Hereupon the husband arose and went in to them and smote the lover with a quarter-staff upon the neck and broke in his back bone,[FN#478] after which he turned to the wicked woman his wife and struck her and split open her head, and left the twain stone dead. And as soon as it was midnight he wrapped them in a single sheet and carried them forth outside the village, and after choosing a place,[FN#479] dug a hole and thrust them therein. And ever after that same Fellah had rest from his wife, and he bound himself by a strong oath not to interwed with womankind-never no more.[FN#480] And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will recount to you another tale touching the wiles of women; and thereupon she fell to relating the adventure of

 

THE WOMAN WHO HUMOURED HER LOVER AT

HER HUSBAND’S EXPENSE.[FN#481]

 

There was a man in Cairo and he had a wife who ever boasted of her gentle blood and her obedience and her docility and her fear of the Lord. Now she happened to have in the house a pair of fatted ganders[FN#482] and she also had a lover whom she kept in the background. Presently the man came to visit her and seeing beside her the plump birds felt his appetite sharpened by them, so he said to her, “O Such-an-one, needs must thou let cook these two geese with the best of stuffing so that we may make merry over them, for that my mind is bent upon eating goose flesh.”

Quoth she, “‘Tis right easy; and by thy life, O So-and-so, I will slaughter them and stuff them and thou shalt take them and carry them home with thee and eat them, nor shall this pimp my husband taste of them or even smell them.” “How wilt thou do?” asked he, and she answered, “I will serve him a sleight shall enter into his brains and then give them to thee, for none is dear to me as thyself, O thou light of mine eyes; whereas this pander my mate shall not touch a bittock thereof.” Upon this agreement the lover went from her and when her husband returned at sunset-tide she said to him, “Ho Man, how canst thou ever call thyself a man when thou never invitest anybody to thy house and no day of the days thou sayest me, ‘I have a guest coming to us,’ even as another would do; and folk surely will talk of thee and declare thou art a miser and unknowing the ways of generosity.” “O Woman,” said he, “this were for me an easy business and to-morrow morning (Inshallah!) I will buy for thee flesh and rice and thou shalt let cook for us or dinner or supper, whereto I will invite one of my intimates.” Quoth she to him, “Nay, O Man; rather do thou buy for me a pound of mince-meat; then slaughter the two geese and I will stuff them and fry them, for that nothing is more savoury to set before guests.” Said he, “Upon my head and mine eye be it!”

and as soon as it was dawn he slaughtered the geese and went forth and bought a Rotolo of meat which he minced and took all was required of rice and hot spices and what not else. These he carried home to his wife and said to her, “Do thou finish off thy cooking before midday when I will bring my guests,” and presently he fared forth from her. Then she arose and cleaned out the geese and stuffed them with minced meat and a portion of rice and almonds and raisins;[FN#483] and fried them until they were well cooked; after which she sent for her lover and as soon as he came she and he made merry together, and she gave him the geese which he took up and left her.—And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

 

The Seven Hundred and Eighty-first Night, Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night.” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman gave to her lover the geese which she had fried and he took the twain and fared away with them. Now when it was noon suddenly her husband came home accompanied by a friend and knocked at the door; so she arose and opened to him and admitted them. Then she asked, “And hast thou brought only one man?[FN#484] hie thee forth and fetch at least two or better still three.” “‘Tis well,”

said he and went off to do her bidding. Then the woman accosted the guest who came first and cried, “Oh the pity of it! By Allah thou art lost and the L� Haul of Allah[FN#485] is upon thee and doubtless thou hast no children.” Now when the man heard these words he exclaimed, “Why, O Woman?” for indeed fear and affright had sunk deep into his heart. She rejoined, “Verily my husband hath not brought thee hither save with the intention of cutting off thy precious stones the honours of thy yard[FN#486] and of gelding thee to a Castrato; and heigho and alas for thee whether thou die or whether thou live, and Oh the pity of it for thee!”

Now when the man heard this speech, he arose in haste and hurry and rushed out by the door, when behold, the husband came bringing with him two of his familiars. So the wife met him at the entrance and said to him, “O Man, O miserablest of men, O

thou disappointed, O thou dissatisfied,[FN#487] thou hast brought to me a fellow which was a thief, a ne’er-do-well like unto thyself.” “How so?” asked he, and she answered, “The man stole the two geese and stole away.” Thereupon the husband went out and catching sight of the guest running off shouted to him, “Come back! Come back! even although thou bring only one with thee and take the other.” Cried the man in reply, “An thou catch me do thou take thee the two. But the housemaster meant the two geese whilst the man who was running away thought only of himself, saying in his mind, “This one speaketh of my ballocks, meaning that he will take only one of my stones[FN#488] and leave me the other.” So he ceased not running and the other followed after him, but being unable to catch him he returned to his guests and served them with somewhat of bread and so forth, whilst the woman kept blaming him and nagging about the matter of the geese which she said had been carried off, but which had been given by her to her lover. The husband enjoined her to silence; however she would not hold her peace[FN#489] and on this wise he was balked of the meal to feed his wife’s friend. And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you somewhat of the wiles of an honest woman, and thereupon she fell to recounting the adventure of

 

THE KAZI SCHOOLED BY HIS WIFE.

 

It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful to the orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful exceedingly. Her husband held and was certified anent womankind that all and every were like unto his spouse; so that when any male masculant came into his court[FN#490] complaining about his rib he would deliver his decision that the man was a wrongdoer and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he did because he saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he opined that the whole of her sex resembled her, and he knew naught of the wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and their contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work upon men’s wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in consequence of the virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of the days when suddenly a man came to him with a grievance about