The Man from Home by Harry Leon Wilson (book series to read .TXT) 📕
- Author: Harry Leon Wilson
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[Meanwhile VASILI has entered from the hotel, a bundle of clean white rags in his hand.]
Is there a new eruption of Vesuvius?
[meeting him and taking the rags]
No; it's an eruption of colonels trying to arrest a high-school professor. I've got him under your car there.
[astounded]
What!
I told them he's your new chauffeur.
My friend, do you realize the penalty for protecting a criminal from arrest?
We'll be proud of the risk.
[Speaks in an undertone to IVANOFF.]
This man owns the car. You can trust him the same as your own father.
[remonstrating]
My friend, my friend!
"THE NEW CHAUFFEUR FOR THE MACHINE, FROM NAPLES"
"THE NEW CHAUFFEUR FOR THE MACHINE, FROM NAPLES"
[pg 091][quietly]
Look out, the Governor's staff is coming back.
[closing the gates and wiping his face]
Lazzaroni!
[At the same time FIRST CARABINIERE enters from right; SECOND CARABINIERE from left.]
Niente!
Niente la!
[The two CARABINIERE cross briskly to each other as they speak, and stand conferring.]
Grazia Dio! He has gone some other place!
[very casually to VASILI]
You'll have to get a new off front tire, Doc. That one is pretty near gone. Better have Jim, here, put on the spare when he gets through.
[The CARABINIERE beckon to MARIANO and speak to him.]
[seriously, stepping toward PIKE]
Do you know what you are asking me to do?
[watching CARABINIERE]
To put on a new tire.
[VASILI, with exclamation and gesture of despair grimly tinged with humor, turns away, greatly disturbed.][pg 092]
[addressing PIKE with an embarrassed bow]
The carabiniere with all excuses beg if you will command the chauffeur to step forth from the automobile.
No, sir; I worked on that machine myself for three hours. He's got his hands full of nuts and screws and bolts half fastened. If he lays them down now to come out I don't know how long it'll take to get them back in place. We want to get this job finished.
[Continues with a plaintive uplift of voice.]
This is serious! Tell them to go on up Main Street with their Knights of Pythias parade, and come around some day when we haven't got our hands full.
[meekly]
I tell them—yes, sir.
[Turns and confers with the CARABINIERE.]
It'll be your turn in a minute, Doc; be mighty careful what you say.
Because the chauffeur have been engaged only to-day and have just arrived, the carabiniere ask ten thousand pardons, but inquire how long he have been known to his employer.
[He bows to VASILI with embarrassment.]
How long? Why, he was raised on his father's farm.[pg 093]
[He faces VASILI, and stretches his arm out toward him as if for corroboration.]
[to VASILI]
Oh, if that is so!
It is so; ain't it, Doc?
[to. MARIANO, with dignity]
You have heard my friend say it.
[to VASILI, in a serious undertone]
Monseigneur graciously consents that I reveal his incognito to the carabiniere.
Is it necessary?
Otherwise I fear they will not withdraw; they have suspicion.
[with a gesture of resignation]
Very well, tell them. I rely upon them to preserve my incognito from all others.
[bowing deeply]
Monseigneur, they will be discreet.
[Goes up to CARABINIERE and speaks to them.]
[aside to IVANOFF]
Make a noise—keep busy.
[Then with more emphasis.]
But don't you unscrew anything!
[to VASILI, smiling]
Monseigneur, they withdraw.
[The CARABINIERE, with great deference [pg 094] and gravity, salute VASILI. He returns the salute curtly.]
FIRST CARABINIERE. Mille grazias, Signore!
[MARIANO throws the gates open, the two CARABINIERE go rapidly out, sweeping the crowd away. MARIANO closes the gates.]
[giving MARIANO a coin]
You're pretty good.
It required but the slightest diplomacy, Signore. Thank you, Signore!
[Exit into the hotel.]
[puzzled]
He must have mesmerized the militia.
[glancing off]
It is quite safe for the time.
[going to the car]
It's all right, old man!
[Extends his hand to IVANOFF and helps him up from beneath the machine.]
I will pray God for you all my life.
Wait till we get you plumb out of the woods.
[to VASILI]
And you, sir, if I could speak my gratitude—
[crisply]
My American friend yonder has placed himself—and myself—in danger of the penal code of Italy for protecting you. Perhaps you will [pg 095] be so good as to let us know for what we have incriminated ourselves.
[looking at him keenly]
You are a Russian?
Don't be afraid—he's only a German.
[bitterly]
The Italian journals call me a brigand, inspired by the Russian legation in Rome. My name is Ivanoff Ivanovitch.
[reassuringly]
All right, old man!
I was condemned in Petersburg ten years ago. I was a professor of the languages, a translator in the bureau of the Minister of Finance. I was a member of the Society of the Blue Fifty, a constitutionalist.
Good for you.
I was able to do little for the cause, though I tried.
How did you try?
I transferred funds of the government to the Society of the Blue Fifty. Never one ruble for myself.
[Strikes himself on the breast.]
It was for Russia's sake—not mine!
[sharply]
But you committed the great Russian crime of getting yourself caught?
Through treachery. There was an Englishman who lived in Petersburg. He had contracts with the government—I thought he was my [pg 096] best friend. I had married in my student days in Paris—ah, it is the old story!
[bitterly]
I knew that this Englishman admired my wife; but I trusted him—as I trusted her—and he made my house his home. I had fifty thousand rubles in my desk to be delivered to my society. The police came to search; they found only me—but not my wife nor my English friend—nor the fifty thousand rubles! I went to Siberia. Now I search for those two.
[gravely]
Was it they who sent the police?
After they had taken the money and were beyond the frontier themselves. That is all I have against them.
[gently]
Looks to me like it would be enough.
Then, by your own confession, you are an embezzler and a revolutionist.
[going to VASILI quickly]
Why, the man's down; you wouldn't go back on him now.
[With a half chuckle.]
Besides, you've made yourself one of his confederates.
Upon my soul, so I have.
[Bursts into laughter and lays his hands on PIKE'S shoulders.]
My friend, from my first sight of you in the hotel at Napoli I saw that you were a great man.[pg 097]
[grinning]
What are you doing, running for Congress?
[after a grave look at IVANOFF, turns to PIKE again]
I do not think that the carabiniere went away without suspicion.
Suspicion! They will watch every exit from the hotel and its grounds. What can I do, until darkness—
[motioning toward the hotel]
Why, Doc's got the whole lower floor of this wing—you're his chauffeur—
[quickly, grimly]
I was about to suggest it. I have a room that can easily be spared to Professor Ivanoff.
[going to them, greatly touched]
My friends, God bless both of you!
[As he speaks he shakes hands with PIKE and turns to offer his hand to VASILI, who, apparently without noticing it, goes up toward the hotel.]
Don't waste time talkin' about that. I shouldn't be surprised if you were hungry.
[Takes him by elbow and walks him to door of hotel.]
I have had no food for a day.
[grimly]
My valet de chambre will attend [pg 098] to Professor Ivanoff's needs. No one shall be allowed to enter his
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