Arms and the Man by George Bernard Shaw (online e reader .TXT) 📕

out at the Balkan landscape, with a neglected novel in her lap. The door is on the left. The button of the electric bell is between the door and the fireplace. Petkoff Looking up from his paper to watch how they are getting on at the table. Are you sure I can’t help you in any way, Bluntschli? Bluntschli Without interrupting his writing or looking up. Quite sure, thank you. Saranoff and I will manage it. Sergius Grimly. Yes: we’ll manage it. He finds out what to do; draws up the orders; and I sign ’em. Division of labour, Major. Bluntschli passes him a paper. Another one? Thank you. He plants the papers squarely before him; sets his chair carefully parallel to them; and signs with the air of a man resolutely performing a difficult and dangerous feat. This hand is more accustomed to the sword than to the pen. Petkoff It’s very good of you, Bluntschli, it is indeed, to let yourself be put upon in this way. Now are you quite sure I can do nothing? Catherine In a low, warning tone. You can stop interrupting, Paul. Petkoff Starting and looking round at her. Eh? Oh! Quite right, my love, quite right. He takes his newspaper up, but lets it drop again. Ah, you haven’t been campaigning, Catherine: you don’t know how pleasant it is for us to sit here, after a good lunch, with nothing to do but enjoy ourselves. There’s only one thing I want to make me thoroughly comfortable. Catherine What is that? Petkoff My old coat. I’m not at home in this one: I feel as if I were on parade. Catherine My dear Paul, how absurd you are about that old coat! It must be hanging in the blue closet where you left it. Petkoff My dear Catherine, I tell you I’ve looked there. Am I to believe my own eyes or not? Catherine quietly rises and presses the button of the electric bell by the fireplace. What are you showing off that bell for? She looks at him majestically, and silently resumes her chair and her needlework. My dear: if you think the obstinacy of your sex can make a coat out of two old dressing gowns of Raina’s, your waterproof, and my mackintosh, you’re mistaken. That’s exactly what the blue closet contains at present. Nicola presents himself. Catherine Unmoved by Petkoff’s sally. Nicola: go to the blue closet and bring your master’s old coat here⁠—the braided one he usually wears in the house. Nicola Yes, madam. Nicola goes out. Petkoff Catherine. Catherine Yes, Paul? Petkoff I bet you any piece of jewellery you like to order from Sofia against a week’s housekeeping money, that the coat isn’t there. Catherine Done, Paul. Petkoff Excited by the prospect of a gamble. Come: here’s an opportunity for some sport. Who’ll bet on it? Bluntschli: I’ll give you six to one. Bluntschli Imperturbably. It would be robbing you, Major. Madame is sure to be right. Without looking up, he passes another batch of papers to Sergius. Sergius Also excited. Bravo, Switzerland! Major: I bet my best charger against an Arab mare for Raina that Nicola finds the coat in the blue closet. Petkoff Eagerly. Your best char⁠— Catherine Hastily interrupting him. Don’t be foolish, Paul. An Arabian mare will cost you 50,000 levas. Raina Suddenly coming out of her picturesque revery. Really, Mother, if you are going to take the jewellery, I don’t see why you should grudge me my Arab. Nicola comes back with the coat and brings it to Petkoff, who can hardly believe his eyes. Catherine Where was it, Nicola? Nicola Hanging in the blue closet, madam. Petkoff Well, I am d⁠— Catherine Stopping him. Paul! Petkoff I could have sworn it wasn’t there. Age is beginning to tell on me. I’m getting hallucinations. To Nicola. Here: help me to change. Excuse me, Bluntschli. He begins changing coats, Nicola acting as valet. Remember: I didn’t take that bet of yours, Sergius. You’d better give Raina that Arab steed yourself, since you’ve roused her expectations. Eh, Raina? He looks round at her; but she is again rapt in the landscape. With a little gush of paternal affection and pride, he points her out to them and says, She’s dreaming, as usual. Sergius Assuredly she shall not be the loser. Petkoff So much the better for her. I shan’t come off so cheap, I expect. The change is now complete. Nicola goes out with the discarded coat. Ah, now I feel at home at last. He sits down and takes his newspaper with a grunt of relief. Bluntschli To Sergius, handing a paper. That’s the last order. Petkoff Jumping up. What! finished? Bluntschli Finished. Petkoff goes beside Sergius; looks curiously over his left shoulder as he signs; and says with childlike envy. Haven’t you anything for me to sign? Bluntschli Not necessary. His signature will do. Petkoff Ah, well, I think we’ve done a thundering good day’s work. He goes away from the table. Can I do anything more? Bluntschli You had better both see the fellows that are to take these. To Sergius. Pack them off at once; and show them that I’ve marked on the orders the time they should hand them in by. Tell them that if they stop to drink or tell stories⁠—if they’re five minutes late, they’ll have the skin taken off their backs. Sergius Rising indignantly. I’ll say so. And if one of them is man enough to spit in my face for insulting him, I’ll buy his discharge and give him a pension. He strides out, his humanity deeply outraged. Bluntschli Confidentially. Just see that he talks to them properly, Major, will you? Petkoff Officiously. Quite right, Bluntschli, quite right. I’ll see to it. He goes to the door importantly, but hesitates on the threshold. By the by, Catherine, you may as well come,