Perfect on Paper by Gillian Harvey (top 20 books to read txt) 📕

her husband’s face looked a bit pinched and tired. ‘Are you OK?’

‘I’m … yeah, I guess.’ He looked awkward and shifted slightly in his chair.

She’d been angry about his dropping asleep on her, but looking at his face now, she was more concerned. ‘Why do you think you’re so tired?’

‘Not sure,’ he shrugged. ‘I guess, irregular hours. They say that’s pretty crap for the constitution.’

‘Is the job worth it, Toby?’

‘Yes, yes,’ he said. ‘If anything, being on Woman’s World should mean that things will get a bit more regular now. No news reports – or very few. Mostly arranging things at more sociable hours.’

‘OK.’

‘And you know, the worries – about the protest and that. I hope … I think I can get on top of things. The Martha B. interview might help. And Hatty’s going to advise me a bit on language.’

‘That’s good.’

‘So,’ he said, looking at her. ‘Sorry I fell asleep … I’m awake now – I think!’ he smiled sheepishly. ‘What did you want to tell me?’

She couldn’t do it, she realised. She couldn’t blow her cover – he needed Martha to rescue him first.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Clare let herself into the meeting room cautiously, not quite sure what she’d find behind the door. To her relief, Nigel and Will were – at least at the moment – dressed in their normal office wear. And there wasn’t a leotard in sight.

A few other staff members were there, including Ann, who’d been waiting for her this morning with a bunch of flowers. ‘You were amazing!’ she’d said.

‘I can’t believe you came!’

‘Where else would I be!’ her friend had said.

Clare took her seat next to Ann and they grinned at each other. ‘No live performances tonight then?’ Ann quipped.

‘Never can tell.’

On the whiteboard at the front of the room, someone had scribbled ‘Are you feeling Corporately Sexy?’

‘Hi, hello,’ Nigel said, a few minutes later when it was clear that this was the sum total of attendees. ‘How are you feeling today?’

‘Fine thanks!’ Clare said, at the same time as everyone else chanted out ‘corporately sexy!’

Nigel shot her a look. ‘Did you, er, not get the email?’

‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘I haven’t had a chance to check through my inbox this morning.’

‘Right,’ Nigel said, disappointedly, shuffling some papers. ‘Well, today’s workshop is about positive mantras. Will?’

Will stepped forward, clearly in his element. ‘Thanks, Nigel,’ he said, as if he was a TV news reporter receiving a handover from the studio. ‘Well, thank you all for coming today. I think you’ll find this session particularly useful.

‘Hans Hankerton writes in chapter thirty of his book Be Your Own Guru, that in order to be corporately sexy, we must embody the concept. We must become one with our business; must allow ourselves to be completely absorbed with becoming the best employee or business manager we can be.

‘And this involves mantra recital,’ he continued, scribbling ‘mantra recital’ on the board. ‘Each morning at the start of a workday, I recite the following mantras to myself, so that I truly take on the character of Successful Lawyer Will – a Corporately Sexy Businessman.’

All this without a hint of irony.

Will closed his eyes, moved his legs into the widest power stance possible and took a deep breath through his nose, allowing it to gush out of his mouth in a torrent.

‘I am sexy, I am sexy, I am sexy!’ he chanted.

‘I’m a winner, I’m a winner, I am a winner.

‘Will is successful, Will is successful, Will is successful!

‘Today, will be a sexy day.’

He opened his eyes and looked around the room so confidently that they all felt obliged to clap. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Now we all know our strengths and weaknesses. We all know the elements of our work selves we need to address. I spent months working on my mantras, so don’t feel too much pressure to come up with the right words straightaway. But what I want you to do is jot down some phrases that, over time, will become as effective as mine.’

At that moment, Elaine, the office manager, walked in with a platter of sandwiches, admittedly one of the meeting’s main draws. They’d been ordered from a local delicatessen and were stuffed with smoked salmon, avocado and all things expensive and on trend.

‘Not yet, not yet!’ Will admonished, as they all reached forward. ‘Mantras, then sustenance. For as Hans Hankerton says, if we do not nourish the mind, how can the body ever be fed?’

Clare took a glance at Nigel to see whether he was having second thoughts about the whole mantra thing. She’d known him for almost a decade and until recently he’d hated corporate speak. And he wasn’t the sort of guy who’d usually be taken in by this weird, self-help language.

To her horror, he was sitting there, gazing at Will practically entranced. She vowed to google Corporate Sexiness later, just to see whether it was linked to some sort of brainwashing cult.

‘Work hard,’ Clare jotted idly on her pad. ‘Get paid.’ She glanced over at the others. Half were sitting looking slightly confused, others were scribbling diligently. Ann seemed to have written a couple of lines and was now drawing a picture of a sandwich.

Clare found her mind wandering once again to the weekend; to Hatty and Bill’s surprise visit. It had been nice, actually. Once she’d actually got her breath back from the frantic cleaning.

At one point, Toby had taken Bill for a look at their garage extension – the only part of the house he’d decorated himself. He was particularly proud of it, and actually it wasn’t bad. Hatty had sipped her coffee and regarded her for a moment over the top of it.

‘How are you, you know, with Toby’s promotion?’ she’d asked, suddenly.

‘Me? Well, I’m delighted of course,’ Clare had said, automatically.

‘Are you sure? I see how busy things are for you and I wonder whether I’ve actually done you a disservice,’ Hatty had continued. ‘I mean, Toby’s very talented – I wouldn’t have put in a good