Here I Am Again. by Analyin Roselyn (books to read in your 20s .TXT) 📕

forehead and sat on the edge of my bed.

“I got this lovebug. She will be ready in 30..”

My mom smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Thank you.”

She gave me a glare before walking out of the room. I saw his hand peek under the pillow and lift it up and little so that he can see my face.

“Planning on getting up anytime soon? I kind of have to be a work in about 20 minutes.”

I sighed in frustration and sat up. I looked at him with a frown.

“Why do I have to go back today?”

He shifted to where he was facing me.

“Well, it’s your spring semester of junior year and you have already missed about half of your schooling already. You know you have to go to school in order to get into college and move on with your life….Right?”

I nodded.

“I guess you are right…”

He looked at me.

“But that's not the reason you don't want to go back to school….is it?”

I bit the inside of my lip.

“.......No.”

He nodded.
“I figured. So...What is the real reason?”

I sat on the bed beside him, with my legs dangling off the side.

“I don't want to be judged…..I feel like a lot of people are going to judge me based on what I did 3 or 4 years ago.”

He put his arm around me and laughed.

“ Are you kidding me...of course they are going to judge you. That's what people do…”
I groaned and stood up, walking over to my dresser. He continued.

“But, it is only an issue when they are still judging you for something you did 4 years ago. You were young and you didn't know what you were doing. But my point is...is that it’s high school. Nobody is going to remember. Right now, they are probably gossiping about what Johnny did with Christy in the bathroom yesterday.”

I laughed a little. He stood up and walked over to me.

“You go to school Em. And you go in with your head held high and make a first impression all over again.”

I smiled.

“Thanks dad.”

He kissed my forehead and started walking towards the door.

“You are so very welcome. Don't forget what I said. You are stronger than you think and hey…,” He looked at me. “Eat today. At least an apple…”

I nodded and watched him walk out of the door, closing the door behind him. I looked at myself in my full length mirror. I slowly lifted my shirt to see my ribs, poking my skin, looking like they are going to bust through at any minute. My eyes started to tear up and I wiped my face, trying to get of any evidence of crying before my mom came up.

Anytime she sees me crying now, she is all over me. In case the situation happens again. But I learned how to hide my feelings. So now she will never know.

At least I hope.

I pull off my shirt and put on a white Adidas t-shirt with a pair of dark blue pre-ripped jeans. I walked into the bathroom and put on my makeup and did my hair.

After I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I hate being like this. I hate putting on makeup. I hate looking like a barbie doll. 

I hate looking fake.

Chapter Two

 

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

The school bells ring as my mother and I walk up the stairs to the school entrance. I try to hide behind her but she continues to pull me forward, hooking her arm in mine.
I know I look different from the last time I was in school because of my weight and hitting puberty but I feel like everyone still knows who I am.

The depressed, lonely girl who tried to kill herself.

My mom opened the doors to my school, holding it open for me to walk in.

The school is actually bigger than I thought it was going to be. I was expecting a small community high school but nope. I got a high school that looks like it could be a small college campus.

Three story, brick building with a track, baseball and softball field and a pool for our swim team.

Well, I don't know I expected less because I do live in a rich community.

So I already know that all the girls in here are going to be snobby, prissy, stuck-up girls whose mommies and daddies give them anything they want and they think that they run the school.

I follow my mom to my office, keeping my head low from anyone who might recognize me that might be passing by.

I open the door to the front office and followed my mom to wherever she was going.

She stopped at the front desk and started talking to the lady.

I took the chance to look outside at all the people passing by.

I could still remember some of their faces from eighth grade. Passing by right now was Ethan Michaels. The jock of our grade. He must still be becuase he is wearing a varsity jacket with his name printed on the front. He is still looking as hot as he always was. I used to have a crush on Ethan from the second grade when we were on the playground and I fell off the swing and scraped my knee. He was the only one who asked if I was okay and then carried -well partially- me to the nurse's office.

He still has his boyish features from the last time I saw him. His jawline got stronger and sharper. His hair is still brown and that same haircut from eighth grade. He definitely got stronger and more muscular; but not too much, just in the middle of too buff and too skinny. He kind of walks with a limp now.

I wonder what happened….

But my thoughts were interrupted when he caught my eye. My whole world slowed down and I couldn't breathe for a second. His eyes are a crystal blue with dark indigo rims; just like when I left him.

He smiled a little. His perfect white smile that I missed so much.

That I have only seen on the internet for the past two years.
Its just too real for me.

I caught my breath and forced myself to look away. I turned towards my mom and the lady, trying to calm down.

My mom looked at me.

“You alright honey?”

I nodded and smiled a little.

“Yeah...just some first day nerves.”

She smiled and turned back to the lady, rubbing my back. I looked down and slowly back out the window. He was leaned against the wall, talking to his buddies. I bit my lip and smiled a little.

I kind of missed being here and seeing his face.

I am actually glad to be back right now.

I walked into my third hour class. Some girl in the fourth year gave me a tour of the high school. She talked so nasally and stuck up. I hated every second of hearing her voice.

I walked to the very back of the classroom next to a window that oversees the track and tennis court. People started filing in, gossiping about something in school just like Brent had said they would.

The teacher stood in front of the classroom and started writing on the board as the final bell rang for class to start. I sat down and pulled out a notebook and my colored pens.

If there is one thing you should know about me it is that I am OCD.

I take notes in different colors and categories.

“Welcome back class. I hope you all had a wonderful 3 day weekend in this beautiful March weather. Today we have a new student in our class, “ He held his hand out towards me. “Ms. Roland, welcome to AP English Literature. We will have someone help you cat-”

He was cut off by someone coming in the door. Everyone turned their heads.

My day got a little bit brighter as soon as I realized who it was.

None other than Ethan Michaels.
Our teacher sighed and held out his hand.

“Mr. Michaels…”
Ethan smiled and handed him a yellow slip. The teacher scanned it over quickly and then squished it in his hand, throwing it in the trash.

“Go take an open seat.”

He scanned the classroom. I did too, looking for the person who I would have to be jealous at for getting to sit by him. There were no open seats…..

Except the one next to me.

My heart stopped as I looked up slowly and caught his eyes. His smile grew as he walked towards me.

“Hey.” He said as he took the seat next to me.

I smiled a little.

“Hi.”

The teacher cleared his throat.

“So, as I was saying….Ms. Roland. I will assign someone to help you catch up.”
Ethan raised his hand.

“I’ll do it. “

I looked at him and the teacher back and forth. The teacher did look like he wanted to do that very much. I took one final look at the teacher who just sighed and sat down at his desk.

“Fine, Mr. Michaels. But you must promise to have her caught up in a couple of weeks. We cant lag behind.”

Ethan shrugged.

“Totally Mr. Edwards. I got you.”

Edwards frowned.

“Don't say totally in my classroom...again.”

The class laughed as Ethan said a small sorry.

 

My day has gone by pretty fast. And better than I thought it would.
I got to sit by Ethan Michaels. I got to talk to Ethan Michaels.

Life is great so far.

Right now, I am in the library away from the cafeteria so that I wouldnt be tempted to eat. I sat reading a book in the very back where no one could find me.

Or so I thought…

“Hey.”
I jumped, yelping and dropping the book on the ground. I looked up at who was talking.

Ethan.

Figures…

I bent down to pick up the book.

“Hi.”

Ethan came around the thing. Tapping his hands along the bookshelf.

“What are you doing in here?”

I Stood up and held up the book.

“Just….reading I guess.”
He nodded and took the book out of my hands. He turned it around.

“Seems….interesting.”

I nodded and took it back.

“Yeah… why do you think I am reading it?”

He laughed a little and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah well...good luck with that. Um...anyway. I am going to this party tonight and was wondering if you wanted to come with me….Maybe I can help you catch up a little.”

I made a face.
Inside….I am screaming. Ethan Michaels just asked me to go to a party with him.
I slowly nod.

“I will have to ask my mom and dad. But I want to come….so I will find a way. “

He chuckled.
“Well, if you need a ride or something just let me know. And I can come pick you up or whatever.”
I nodded.
“Of course…”
He tapped the bookshelf twice before backing away.

“See you later.”

I stood there standing like an idiot for the next few minutes, watching him leave before I realized...I didnt have his number.

The bell rang for the warning as I sighed in frustration and gathered