Less than Perfect by S. J. Evans (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

moving his hands up along her spine. Shivers of excitement crawled up Skye’s spine but she ignored them. “But I am sure that I change you. I know you’ve changed me; maybe even more than I should have let you. I’d be lost without you, Trouble.”
“What do you—?” Skye started, cut off by the intensity of Jules’ lips traveling along her jawline, giving small kisses as they went. She breathed heavily as his lips traveled down her neck, carefully, stopping a few times as if he was afraid to go on. She encouraged him by pulling him closer.
“Jules,” she breathed in exasperation. One moment she was having nightmare flashes of Bryan, the next happy memories of the good times they’d had, and then the next, she was sitting in Jules’ arms getting the kind of love and care she’d always wanted. She couldn’t let Jules get away, not when she needed him most. She’d gone to the graveyard to say goodbye to Bryan but all she could think of was Jules—of his smile, his kindness, and, most of all, his touch. “Jules.”
He stopped, frozen against her. “Am I hurting you? Going too fast? Skye, I’m sorry—I—” he stammered, pulling away a little.
She held onto him tighter, shaking her head. “No!” she gasped. “Jules, don’t stop; everything’s perfect.” A small smile played with her lips and she pulled him down on top of her. They lay there, taking quick breaths, rain soaking their clothes and bodies, creating a situation so different from the ones Skye had experienced before. She wasn’t sure if it was how things should be; all she cared about was being close to Jules, holding him and never letting go. She needed him, as much as she needed to escape from Johnny’s cage if not more. Her heart yearned for Jules and only Jules. If there was one thing she’d learned from Bryan’s passing, it was that life is too short to live in the past and regret what has already happened. Bryan’s loss was devastating, and she knew it would always keep a safe place in her heart, but she also knew that she had to try to move on with her life. Jules was right. He loved her, that much was true, and he would want her to be happy. He told her that much.
“Skye,” Jules breathed. “I—I don’t want to hurt you, or—” he started.
“You’re not going to hurt me, Jules. I promise.” Her lips twitched into a smile. “Jules kiss

me,” she whispered. Rain dripped onto her face, blurring her vision, but she didn’t care. She blinked a few times to rid the water and pulled his head closer to her.
He looked like he didn’t know what to do for a moment, frozen above her, just staring into her eyes. But when he got the courage to do something, he carefully kissed her, a small meeting of their lips. “Skye,” he murmured against her lips, cringing. “I can’t.”
“You can, Jules,” she said louder. “I know you want to. And I want you to. You’re not going to hurt me Jules, I can handle it.”
His chest heaved against hers, their bodies so close Skye felt heat stimulate her entire body. She gripped the grass, closing her eyes, and waited for his lips to caress hers. No matter how different it was from when she’d been with Bryan, she craved it. She craved the soft touch of his lips, his hands; the gentle words he whispered in her ears; the taste of his mouth in hers; the scent he carried, of mint and cologne—she craved it all.
One of his hands held himself upright while the other traveled down her body, fiddling with the ends of her shirt. He glanced at her, to ask if it was alright with his eyes, and when she moaned quietly, he grimaced. He seemed to not know what she wanted him to do. And when Skye opened her eyes to look at him, she noticed how much he was struggling to figure something out.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him, touching the side of his face.
“I’m going to hurt you,” he uttered.
She shook her head, water spilling over her lashes and into her eyes. She blinked a few times, frowning at him. “You couldn’t hurt me, Jules. You’re too gentle, too perfect.”
He looked away from her, frowning. “But you don’t know me, Skye. You don’t know what’s happened in my past, who I’ve hurt. You barely know anything about me.”
The words hurt her, thumping painfully in her head. She ignored them as best she could though, coming up with her own response, warding off the pain.
“I know everything I need to know, Jules. You haven’t hurt anyone, Jules. And if even if you have, you wouldn’t hurt me

. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you look at me. You weren’t fooling anyone back when you were talking for Bryan. You were talking partially for yourself, weren’t you? Those things you said, you meant them between you and me too.” Her body was shaking, shivering. Her voice raised a few notches, only a little quieter then the storm around them itself. “You have feelings for me, Jules. I know you do. And I do too, for you. Neither of us can deny it. The way you kiss me, it’s different than anyone’s ever kissed me before. And I know you feel the same way. There’s a lot between us, Jules. You know that, I know that, so what are we hiding from? You’re not hurting me when you trust me.”
He was looking at her by then, eyes peering deep into her soul, searching for answers. His eyes were wide, surprised. Surely, he hadn’t expected her to say the things she’d said. Skye smiled back at him, hands limp at her sides. For a moment, she thought he would listen to her and drop the matter of ‘hurting her’, but then he grabbed her wrists, tightly, and grimaced.
“But I can hurt you!” he said in exasperation. “See? I can.” His eyes were light, showing no anger, only life. His voice echoed in the air, in Skye’s ears. But the sound wasn’t rough and frightening, only desperate.
Skye, frozen underneath him, in a position so close to how Johnny and Bryan had hurt her so many times, still didn’t feel fear. She only shivered, smiling. “But you won’t. You would never take advantage of me like that, Jules.”
His face twisted up, confusion bold in those piercing green eyes. “How do you know that? How do you know I wouldn’t?”
“Because I know that you want to protect me. You’ve told me how much you care about me, how much you want me to be happy and safe. Why would you ever jeopardize that with hurting me?” she explained. “No, you wouldn’t. It’s like you’re my guardian—you only want to watch over me and keep me safe. Though, you want so much more than just that. And so do I.”
“I want you,” he whispered. “I love you

, Skye.” His hands released hers, his chest heaving a breath Skye was sure he’d been holding. “I love you, Trouble. I really do. And I guess I just don’t know what to do. ‘Cause I don’t want to ever get carried away, since I love you so much.”
“And that’s exactly why you won’t get carried away, Jules. Because you love me, you’ll be able to hold yourself back. You know you’ll be able to. And Jules,” she paused, taking a deep breath as she touched his face. “I love you. I really do.” He smiled then, a small smile that played with her heart. Her emotions were flying everywhere, mingled with so much joy and exasperation she could barely boarder them. He’d told her he loved her. He’d managed those three words she’s waited so long to hear. All of the sudden, she remembered something. “Jules, how’s your shoulder?”
He shrugged, indicating that it wasn’t that bad off. “I barely notice the pain when I’m with you. And even though they said to be careful with it, I couldn’t care less. You’re more important.”
Flutters burst inside her stomach creating a hurricane of feelings so tantalizing she wished she could ignore them. “Julian!” she squealed. “You have to take care of yourself!”
“Not if I’ve got someone like you to help nurse me back to health. Besides, like I said before, I don’t notice it that much when I’m with you; you’re my own personal healing solution.” She was about to object when he placed a finger on her lips and shushed her. “Just shut up and kiss me already, Trouble.”
Giggling, she kissed him. It was a soft brush of the lips. “Your turn,” she breathed.
Chuckling, he kissed her lips, her jawline, her neck, and traveled down, slowly. He was careful, pausing to make sure it was okay with her a few times before continuing. His hand traveled down her chest, his lips pecking her collarbone. Skye’s eyes were closed. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, her breathing wild and heavy.
“Jules,” she moaned. Her hands were pulling on the wet grass, plucking strand after strand out.
Sitting up, his legs on either side of her, he carefully unbuttoned the buttons of her blouse. “Skye?” he breathed, chest heaving with desire. “Should I stop?”
Opening her eyes, she saw the frenzied look on his face, the desire so clear behind his eyes. And though part of her didn’t want him to stop, she nodded. “I’m just not ready for that yet; I need more time.”
Nodding, he moved beside her, lying next to her. “I understand.”
“Is that okay with you?” she asked, her breath catching up for the first time. She watched him intently, studying his face just as he had hers many times before.
He smiled, inhaling and exhaling calmly again. “Of course it is, Skye. That’s nearly what I’m looking for with you, Trouble.”
It was comforting, she realized, being so close to someone without having to fear that they’d try to use you at any moment. Jules was better than she could have imagined. He wanted to wait with her; recover with her; be with her without intruding. He really was the perfect boyfriend, even with the flaws.
She nestled into him, calming her erratic heartbeat, and put her hand against his heart, feeling the slow beat beneath her skin. It was the safest she’d felt in a long time. Being there, next to a boy, in a graveyard nonetheless, felt safer than at home or anywhere she’d been with Bryan for months. But she didn’t need to think about Bryan.
She went there in the first place to say goodbye to him. And as she lay with Jules, in the almost silent graveyard, the only sound being the rain and their breathing, she said one final goodbye to her first love.
Goodbye, Bryan

, Her thoughts whispered to him. I wish things could have ended differently, but I know that this is exactly what you started to want, so I’m going to give it to