spilled tears and soaked up words by Theresa E. (good book recommendations TXT) 📕

fire

when i first met you,

I was baffled,

because you weren't what I expected at all

but it was unexpectedly good,

so good

we glowed

and I started to catch fire,

while you burned out.

I've been trying to catch ahold of you for a while now,

but you were so fleeting,

I couldn't put my hands around you.

So I tripped.

Now I'm falling,

falling in the depths of you

and of my pain.

The worst part is

you're not even watching me drown.

moonlight and ceiling fans

You can't sleep.

The moon is staring down at you 

and you think you're crazy, 

because you're wondering if he's judging you from afar.

And then you wonder, 

if it's just the moon who is crazy.

 

You can't walk straight. 

The sun is watching you 

and you start to feel a burning sense of guilt.

You curse the sun for shining on all of your mistakes,

but you realize

that she has every right to despise you.

 

You can't concentrate. 

The wind is howling through your body 

and leaves words you don't want to remember.

After you've begun to listen 

you notice the storm inside yourself

and that it's actually your heart that is crying. 

 

You can't move.

The rain is pouring down on you

and puts thoughts in your head

that you can't fully grasp.

You get angry because you don't know

if it's worse to know

or not to know.

And you hate the rain 

for making you question it.

 

You can't live.

The ceiling fan glances at you 

and stirrs feelings up,

which make your fingers numb. 

"Why are you lying on the floor?", the ceiling fan asks.

"I tried", I answer "to stick to the ceiling.

But something is always pulling me down"

 

You can't be. 

The bed sheet is looking at you,

while you're touching its wrinkles.

It reminds you of all the things that went wrong.

And you hear it whisper:

"Move on"

So that's what you do.

You let go.

 

 

calm

I haven't written poems about you yet

and I'm not sure if that's a good sign

or a bad one.

I really like you,

I do,

but can you make my heart shiver and my body ache?

You make me feel calm.

Maybe I've been looking for the wrong kind of love all along. 

my sea

the weight in my chest

is pulling me down like a anchor cuffed to my feet.

In the depths of the sea,

my sea,

I'm drowning

at my own hands. 

medicine

Sometimes bitterness is my only comfort.

Hate is better than the pain. 

in-betweens

fingertrips tracing over bruised up skin.

Does it hurt?

Does it feel good?

There's a thin line between violence and love.

 

Trying to find yourself

and losing yourself during it.

Is it part of the process?

Or am I hanging on to things that are out of reach?

Like grasping for the dust flying in the air,

glittering like a thousand stars in the sunlight.

 

Leaving comes as easy 

as being left to me

and maybe that's why it always feels like I'm standing in the doorway - 

greeting, saying goodbye 

and everything in-between.

 

When your fingertips touch 

my healed skin,

it makes me shiver,

reminding me of all the pain

that lies underneath,

and in the in-betweens. 

 

Can I ever be touched?

i miss you

your eyes were the color of a summer sky

with a bit of yellow joy mixed in.

your arms were like the home

I've always longed for.

your laughs made me feel

like the sun is rising in my body.

you kisses tasted like the whole universe

with all its galaxys inside.

I'm trying to move on

but it's hard

because how could I

when my whole world is telling me not to?

home(sick)

I want to feel at home in my own arms

I want to cherish every breath I take

because I'm alive

and I live

because of me

I'm wrapped around myself

and I'm so damn homesick

to a friend (but also myself)

I hope that you'll fall in love

mostly with yourself

and selflove is a language you'll become fluent in.

 

I hope that you'll realize putting yourself first

is not a weakness, 

but a strength

because saying no

is sometimes so much harder.

 

I hope that life will give you all those wonderful things you deserve

and that you'll accept them

because you have accepted yourself a long time ago.

 

All the love you are looking for

is already within you.

a little change

I'm feeling a lot 

But it's not bad for a change

I'm not sure if it's good either 

 

Home doesn't seem so far away anymore

 

I'm making new memories,

nice ones

And only sometimes 

I wish you were in them, too

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Publication Date: 08-29-2021

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