Love Moments by Kalai Selvi Arivalagan (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

I could not believe my eyes. Whatever that I desperately tried to avoid happened. My eyes feeling dizzy, I felt the palpitation and an emotional spasm ravaged my brain cells.

The bus was packed with an impatient crowd who wanted to reach its destination as early as possible. Though he recognized me and I could feel the flutter in his heart also, the duty at hand diverted him from sending further glances at me.

The packed bus always raised unknown fear within me and I managed to control myself by chanting some mantras. The recent accident that involved a bus crashing down from a flyover somehow kept me at tender hooks whenever I boarded a crowded bus.

The bus breathed salty and it suffocated me for a while. Though I managed to stand near the open window of the bus, the evening breeze could not help me feel relaxed.

The weekend traffic on the road stretched the traveling time and it lengthened the time to escape from his eyes. His startled eyes showed the pain he felt when I left him shattered without a smile.

For years that incident haunted me and filled my heart with regret. But I never got the opportunity to express myself and get his excuse.

“Would you mind waiting for a few seconds?” His eyes pleaded. To avoid an embarrassing situation, I searched for an excuse.

The heavy evening traffic made the bus move slowly. The automatic signal blinked green unusually after long seconds. I made use of this time. I climbed down the bus and disappeared among the crowd that walked on the service lane.

But luck did not favor me the next day. I left my office around 6 am and walked toward the nearby bus stop. I always enjoyed my early morning walks listening to the song birds and looking at the morning activity that filled every place.

The bus came and I got into the bus. I sat at the window seat and looked ahead to get my ticket. I could only see the broad shoulders of a uniformed person. After a while he turned and walked toward me.

I got the shock of my life.

“Tickets” his voice vibrated in the chilled morning air. With trembling hands, I gave him the coins to get the ticket. His eyes looked at me for a few seconds. Without a word, he moved away from me.

My heart raced with emotions. His indifferent expression came as an answer for avoiding him the day before. Without much effort, my eyes were filled with tears blurred my vision. How long will this cold war happen between us?

When he came to a compromise, I moved away from him. When I was ready to compromise, he moved away from me. That day I somehow got the strength to resolve that situation.

A few stops ahead to my bus stop I got up from my place and moved toward his seat. With his right hand resting on the sidebar, he was looking outside the window.

“Let me break the ice” I murmured and placed my right hand on his right hand. He turned toward me immediately.

“What the hell you need?” His voice hit me like a command in a military parade. “Nothing” I replied without taking away my hand.

“I want to put an end to this cold war between us. Let us be friends.” I replied him.

“Cold war” He looked at me with a sarcastic smile.

“It is you and you are blaming me” He chided.

I looked boldly at him. My eyes met him with the courage that I somehow gathered a few seconds ago.

The aftershave lotion developed an aura around him and his forehead bright with the streak of red turmeric captured my attention. I remembered the lines of poetry that I wrote about him. I could not help smiling.

He turned his right hand and pressed my hand with a gesture that told me how much he missed me. In spite of the early morning breeze I perspired profusely and my legs felt weak.

With ease he led me to the nearby seat and made me sit.

With his usual brisk whistle he stopped the bus and helped me get down from the bus with grace.

He made my day! For it was not a dream but reality....

I let my fears dissolve in the early morning sun.

Publication Date: 08-18-2012

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Dedication:
Perspiring moments of anxiety